First off, apologies to Tamarind. I didn't mean to suggest that you didn't say anything, but I wasn't aware that you had in fact been, well.. sort of screaming about it.
Really, honestly, I would've left the asshats there and then. Would've saved me the trouble, and them. They obviously had no patience with a newer player whatsoever. Responsibility towards guildies? Where was theirs? Nope, sorry, no responsibility on my side at that point.
This post contains language you might not want to read, and it might be a bit all over the place because I got a bit agitated while writing it.
(Now go read that post first so you know what the rest is about!)
The raider's responsibility is to have fun, not to keep the raid together. This is what the raidleader signed up for. Yes, I do feel that the raidleader is responsible to keep the raid together, and to keep the raiders happy. Raidleading is not just handling the invites and handing out loot.
Tam did his part as a raider, he spoke up, he did his best. If this still doesn't work..well too bad, byebye and thanks for the fish.
As for preparation and doing things wrong. Nope...back again to the raidleader. Tam made him aware of the fact that he had no experience, and whatever preparation he could do, he did. Videos, reading, etc.
The reaction of the raidleader should've been one of two:
1. I'm not bringing you Tam, since you don't fit into the group experience wise. We want to go through it at lightning speed and I'm sorry, but we can't do that with you yet.
2. Hey guys slow down a bit, we have a newer player.
Reaction 1 is not the nicest to hear, but it would've been honest and would've saved Tam a lot of shit. Problem with reaction 1 is that the raidleader would look like a jackass, looking like a jackass was prolly not his strongest suit.
Reaction 2 would've been the nice option, but the problem with reaction 2 is that the raidleader risked looking like a jackass towards his epicomggearsuckyhighenedguildborrowedtank. Which would probably have been worse in his opinion.
So, what he did was option number 3:
Lets just fuck over the people we think we can work around anyways, and who we can probably fuck over without reprisal.
Even if the raider has said nothing, and had silently struggled through it, it was the raidleader's responsibility to watch the team. To see that a member of the team was struggling. And when you see that happening you either coach them a bit more, or you bench them to take a rest. You don't just finish the football match with an air.
That doesn't take all responsibility away from the raider. The raider does need to read up on fights, watch videos, communicate with the raidleader. Listen to what is said, and explained. And do their job. Raidleaders aren't superbeings, they cannot smell colours or see sound (well, sometimes when I hear pugs on vent, I think they believe they can, but that has nothing to do with raiding...).
In the end it's a shared effort, and both gain from it. Or should at least. The raidleader gets a fun raid and the satisfaction of having a happy team (you have no idea how happy it already makes me when raiders give me a simple thank you at the end), and the raiders get to have a fun raid.
What bugs me most is that this just seems like another story of where people forgot to have fun.
The raidleader was watching his small willy and thought he could make it look bigger by following epicomggearsuckyhighenedguildborrowedtank. I swear he's been feeling completely shitty the entire raid knowing he could never live up to epicomggearsuckyhighenedguildborrowedtank.
Tam figured he should be nice to his guildies (ergh, don't you hate social obligations sometimes) and had a horrible time trying to do the right thing and stick through with it.
And it sounds like HighEndPriestAmTooGoodToTalkToLowerHealers was terribly busy sticking feathers up own ass, so busy he couldn't help out a fellow healer anymore. (really it CANNOT be fun to stick feathers up ass).
People keep forgetting, this game is supposed to be a fun way to spend your time. No matter at which level you play it. If you're not having fun, stop. Really, don't do it.And I realize that types of fun may vary, but uhm...really, if you're not having fun, just don't. Stop what you're doing, and do something else.
Apologies for the chaotic thought process.